Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
what the fuck happened to the tacos
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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