I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize