What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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