His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
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If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
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We left the knife in your bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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