I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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