I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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