I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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