i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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