The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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