I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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