Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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