He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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