How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need moral support for this bender
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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