sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize