whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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