Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
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You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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