I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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You are a booty call, not a friend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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