im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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