i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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