this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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