just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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