I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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