Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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