It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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