she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize