I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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