I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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