how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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