i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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