She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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