Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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