Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize