I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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