So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize