My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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