brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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