what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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