I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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