I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize