Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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