That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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