We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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