Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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