Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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