I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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