i wish my penis had a tongue
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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