You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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