And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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