good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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