I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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